But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
