We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she told me i tasted like america
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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