She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
