Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
