So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
