I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
