So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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