But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
