my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
