Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
