i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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