can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
