My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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