ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
