I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
