I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
