Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
