batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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