I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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