Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
