its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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