you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
