Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
