He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
