Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
