He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
