Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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