I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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