She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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