just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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