hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
