her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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