Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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