john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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