u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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