sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
