He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she pinky promised me she was 18
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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