Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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