when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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