WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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