are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
