I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
