(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
