his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
