think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
