GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
