everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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