My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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