Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
