I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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