he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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