can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
