What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
