Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
