He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
