im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
