it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
