hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
