You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
