im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Someone signed my nipple.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
