I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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